A Rift Runner's Handbook to Hyrule
by Clashing Swords
Summary: After crash landing on Hyrule after detecting the Triforce, Matt the Rift Runner travels through Hyrule, desperately searching for a power source to save his depleted home planet. Along the way, he documents his journey through sarcastic comments, witty remarks, and questions the logic of Hyrule. Slightly Si-Fi
1. Foreward

**Hello! Thanks for clicking on this story! ****I'm BoldText, one of Clash's assistants. **(The other is me! Parenthesis text! I usually make comments on the story.) **I'll be handling author's notes.**** Note that this is an introduction of sorts. Here's how most of the story will work: **

**Little snippet of a story, explaining how Matt **(The main character.) **got to the place he's in, and what he was thinking when he wrote the addition. These parts will happen when I feel like writing stuff like that. Please remember that this is experimental, so please tell me if it doesn't work!**

** Handbook: These parts are where Matt comments on what he sees around him. Most of the comments will be humorous, sarcastic, and will comment on things that don't really make sense in the world of Zelda.**

Ok, so let me tell you a bit of a back story that will help you understand why I'm on this planet in the first place.

I come from a planet of people like me: Rift Runners. Long story short, we travel through dimensions and prevent evil from winning decisive battles to take over the universe and stuff. Unfortunately, the rifts we create to travel through dimensions take an enormous amount of power. Sadly, that's power we don't have.

Now, instead of fighting evil and stuff, we search for a power source for our depleted home planet. We sent unmanned probes with empty power collecting fuel cells powered by AA batteries to several different planets, but the probes came back empty handed. All except one.

One probe came back with full fuel cells! Overjoyed, we sent a team of three people on a mission to go to the probe's coordinates when it found the power source and come back with a stable power source. Those three people were me, a mechanical genius named Wyatt, and Major Alph to command the mission.

We got to the coordinates uneventfully. I worked on the _Trans-Dimentionalizer_, a device that allows for portals through time and space to be created. We were about to land on the strange planet, when something went wrong. (Yay.)

Just as we were about to initiate the landing sequence, our empty fuel cells were overloaded with power! We were about to turn around and head home when three giant triangles appeared from the surface of the planet and blinded us! The fuel cells were over loaded and the ship exploded from the energy consumption. Luckily, the three of us manages to escape in the three escape pods that were equipped with the ship. The escape pods blasted us to three different locations on the planet.

So, long story short, instead of us finding some super futuristic planet with a stable power source, I ended up landing on a planet that still thinks hitting people with metal is a neat idea. How could _this_ planet have a power source?

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OK, so I just landed on a _flying wooden house_. I'm honestly surprised I didn't break the thing. It looks like a pretty flimsy, glorified wooden box with a light blue cloth roof on top of it. How does this thing stay in the air? That bright red propeller attached to the board in the middle holding the cloth up doesn't look like it could support this structure in flight. Is this the extent of flight this civilization has reached?

Anyways, I appear to be flying around some massive, multicolored tent. There are people going in and out of it through openings in the tent. Some of the people streaming in and out have strange, funnel hats, some don't. The hats match the color of the kid's clothes. The people with the strange hats are usually older kids. Is this some strange fashion?

The house doesn't seem to be landing, so I jump off the top. The house seems to move faster after I leave. It definitely is strange. Isn't having a flying house inconvenient? Although, the real question to me is is how the house is powered.

There doesn't seem to be any way to get back up, so I decide to postpone the investigation and ask people where I am. I go up to the first person I see, who has a yellow... thing (It's called a tunic.) on. He also has one of those strange floppy hats, which is also yellow. He greets me as I walk up to him.

"Hi!" He calls over to me. "I'm Pipt. Who are you? I've never seen you around here before."

'I'm Matt." I respond. "I'm a traveler."

He adopts a curious expression on his face. "Oh." He looks down. "That's odd." He mumbles. I don't see how being a traveler is considered odd. Maybe the people here just don't get visitors very often. He picks his head up to look at me. "From where?"

This is where I hesitate. Should I tell him I'm from another planet? This place, judging by the technology I've seen so far, hasn't warmed up Rift Travel. Or any form of space travel, for that matter.

"Around." I answer vaguely. Sensing that I won't give a more revealing answer, he changes gears in the conversation.

"What brings you to Skyloft?" Hmm... what an interesting name. I wonder why this place is called that. Now that he indirectly mentions it, why don't I see any clouds? I was unconscious for most of my decent, so what did I miss?

I decide to answer relatively honestly. "I am looking for a power source. Would you happen to know where I could find one?" Maybe I'd get lucky and find a power source soon. Of course, something up there hates me, so I received no luck.

The boy known as Pipit scratched the back of his neck. "Gee, I wouldn't know about anything like that. Maybe the headmaster would, though..." He mumbled the last part to himself with his head down. He raised his head and said, "How about you talk to the headmaster! He's in that white building over there." Pipit pointed over a wooden bridge towards a square, white building with a bronze bell and a chimney on top of it.

Matt shrugged. "May as well. Thank you, Pipit."

Pipit smiled. "No problem. Happy to help. Hope you find the power source!" With that, Matt nodded and went off to the white building, hoping against hope to get some sort of power source.

**Well, that it! Sorry ****it's so short****, writing with his old laptop is a pain. Some of the keys are missing, so there is some trial and error involved. Not to mention, the cursor likes to ****erratically**** bounce around the screen, making me type sections in places they aren't intended to be typed. It took him a while to type me! Anyways, see you next time! (Which might be a while. ****Clash doesn't know.****)**


	2. Chapter 1: Island Hopping

**Hello again! Sorry this took a while. This chapter is just quite long for Clash. Thank you to FriedCuccoLady and TheBigOne for reviewing and FCL for favoriting! I respond to reviews through PM's. Let's cut the chatter and get to the chapter!**

(Day 1. 8yru13. The island of Skyloft.)

Matt walked over to the old looking bridge. Curious as to the purpose of the bridge, he looked over the edge. What he saw made him stumble back so far, he hit the other railing and almost tumbled over the edge.

Below him was a sea of clouds. Matt rubbed his eyes, and looked down again. It was still there. _That's impossible. _Matt thought to himself. Then, Matt thought of the implications.

Matt rubbed his hands together excitedly. _Islands don't just float without a reason. _Matt thought to himself.

"It must be powered by something." Matt mumbled to himself, his brain working up possibilities. "Maybe..." Matt ran the rest of the way to the building.

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(This is one of those handbook parts. Just stay tuned if you want more of the regular story.)

The Knight Academy: A building for student education. 2 floors, both with dorms. Classrooms on first floor, instructor's rooms on 2nd. Headmasters office is on the 2nd floor. Apparently, this school teaches you how to be a knight. Nope, no other professions. Just a knight. Doesn't anyone want to be anything different? Why don't we get a few mechanics down here? How about a scientist who can give someone like me a power source? Heck, how about some _teachers_? How did these teachers get taught, anyways?

Apparently the students that graduate get to wear those funny hats and uniforms. (Tunics...) That doesn't make sense. Why do the students have to wear uniforms when they get _out_ of school? I guess that Pipit character goes here, too. Some girl with a similar uniform was mumbling something about class with him while going down the hall. Better check out the headmaster and ask how this island stays in the air.

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Matt knocked at the grand wooden door at the top of the stairs. After a few moments, a deep voice spoke. "Come in."

Heeding the voice, Matt opened the door and stepped into the rather small room. The entire right wall of the square room was covered with books, The other walls were bare, with the exception of a window in the front of the room and a red banner with words on it adorning the left wall. Matt couldn't read the words on the banner, so he assumed they were written in a different language. The main feature of the room was the large, paper covered wooden desk taking up the middle of the room, which the headmaster of the academy sat behind.

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Headmaster Gaepora: Headmaster of the Knight Academy. He needs a diet. What do people even eat on a floating island, anyways? He has a belt that covers his entire expansive stomach with a strange looking bird design on it. He has eyes the size of my fist, with bushy eyebrows that double as hair. Seriously, I actually mistook his eyebrows for tufts of hair. His eyebrows look like snakes crawling up the surface of his bald head. He also has a small, pure white beard. He looks pretty old and wise. I definitely understand why this guy is the headmaster of the academy. Even though his eyebrows are the stuff of nightmares.

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Matt's feet tread lightly over the wooden floors as he walked over to a simple wooden chair that stood in front of the desk. He sat down, not oblivious to the headmaster's surprised look as he analyzed him.

"I have never seen you before." He said in a deep, although not unkind, voice. "Who are you?"

Matt decided he should respond to most of the question honestly. He was the one who came to the office, after all.

"My name is Matt. As for who I am," He said, looking the headmaster straight in the eye. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

The headmaster sighed and shook his head. He seemed tired, and there were dark spots under his eyes. On the desk were several ancient looking books open. They appeared to be half read.

He looked back at me. "My daughter was just brought down to a land I thought was only legend by a black tornado. I would honestly believe anything you told me right now."

"Well, there's another planet called..." He interrupted me.

"It is alright, it does not matter it this time." He said. "What brings you here?"

Relieved that I did not have to give away information, I replied honestly. "I am looking for a power source to save my home. Do you know where I could find one?"

The headmaster shook his head. "We are most likely unfamiliar with the type of power you are referring to. You said you came from another planet. Clearly, you know things none of us know. I am afraid I could not be of assistance. However," He added, seeing my bitterly disappointed expression. "You may find what you are looking for on the surface."

"The surface?" 

"As you are no doubt aware, this island resides in the clouds." Matt wanted to interrupt him to ask _how_, but he held his tongue. "Below this land is a place known as the surface. Most of us thought it was nonexistent, but recent events have proved it to exist." He looked out the window, and for the first time, I noticed the green pillar of light that illuminated the sky.

"My daughter was taken to this land by a black tornado." The headmaster continued. "Her friend, Link, went down to bring her back home. Here, his gaze adopted a far away look. "I hope they're ok..." He mumbled.

He returned from his thoughts after a couple of seconds and sighed. "You did not come to hear an old man's problems." He said. "I am afraid that I can not help you with your problem. My only word of advice is to go down to the surface. Perhaps you will find what you seek.

"How can I get down there? It's a long fall."

The headmaster stroked his beard. (Like a boss.) "I had not thought of that. Link uses his sailcloth, but we have no more of those. Maybe someone could let you borrow a piece of cloth."

Matt didn't like the idea of him falling who knows how long and his only lifeline being a piece of cloth. He would have to find some other way down.

"By the way, how does this island float?" Matt asked. The headmaster looked truly intrigued by his question.

"Why, I do not know."

"So you're telling me that you've lived on a floating island all of your life and never questioned how it floats in the air?"

"I guess that I just got used to it after many years. I have never seen an island that does not float."

"I guess that makes sense. Thanks anyways." Matt said as he walked out of the office and in to the hallway of the academy.

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Matt walked outside into the sun and bright green grass. Deciding he definitely needed some time to think, he sat down along one of the edges of the island in front of the academy. It impressed him how high up this island was, and he wondered how he could possibly get down. He wished he could just warp down there...

Matt's eyebrows shot skyward and he smiled. "Maybe I can," He mumbled, pulling the info-space opener out of his pocket. "Maybe I can."

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Info-Space opener: A device (It looks like a glove.) that can open Info-Space, a room in which anything can be stored. The opener acts as a creator of tiny wormholes, compressing an object in the opener small enough to open a miniature black hole. There, a person can use the other wormhole located in the Info-Space to store any item necessary by putting an item inside the wormhole created by the opener. The device is powered by light, not just the sun. Please note that this has not been tested with life forms. Putting any living thing into the Info-Space is _not_ recommended. Please refrain from doing so.

Trans-Dimentioonalizer: One of my own creations. Allows for very stable holes in the fabric of space to be created. In one, and out the other! This can be used for transporting resources and even life forms from point A to point B. Who needs walking when you can be lazy! Also, it comes with the added feature of being powered by air. Also can be used to avoid falling to your death. Now compatible with the Info-Space opener! Warning: My explode. Just kidding! Or am I...

The Analysis Machine: Called that until I find a better name. The Analysis Machine, unlike the other two, is not for sale. It can scan an enemy for weakness, read your thoughts, shoot _lasers, _scan for Riftarian technology, show the best place to put portals, copy and apply data from life forms, and most importantly scan for any potential power sources. Oh, yea, and it's powered by _air_. This is the best pair of glasses money can't buy. Why yes, it _is_ the most awesome thing ever. Be jealous, fools.

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Matt pulled the Info-Space opener out of his pocket. "I'm surprised it survived the crash." He thought aloud as he pressed the activation button on the glove, which he wore on his left hand. "But I'm not complaining."

The wormhole (Which from now on will be referred to as a portal.) opened. Matt jumped inside. The storage room of the info space looked like a plain, gray, square room. Not very exiting, but it served it's purpose. Matt took the Trans-Dimentionalizer and slipped it over the Info-Space opener. Then, he bent down and grabbed his most useful invention, the analysis machine. He synced it with the Trans-Dimentionalizer so he could shoot portals based on where he was looking.

He left the Info-Space room and closed the portal. He then powered up the analysis machine. The HUD opened up in front of his eyes, which displayed the exact time of day, all of his vital signs, and it would display more once he turned the modes on.

"Power up complete." Oh, and did he mention it could _talk?_

"Hello, Matt. How can I be of assistance?"

` Matt smiled. He really loved this thing. "Well, we have a problem. We need to get to that." He said, gesturing to the green pillar of light. "Unfortunately, we are on an island floating in the sky. Have any brilliant ideas?"

"Give me time!" The machine snapped in an annoyed voice. (Can robotic voices sound annoyed?) "Now analyzing." After a few seconds, it said. "Analysis complete. The light appears to not have any significance to our primary objective. However, it does have a traceable energy signature. There appear to be two more like it."

Matt looked around. Sure enough, there were two more pillars. One was a dark red, while one was a neutral yellow. "I don't see how I didn't notice those. Please continue."

"Affirmative. The light appears to have the purpose of guiding someone to a location, seeing as it is very noticeable. Getting to this to investigate would be advised. It most likely acts as a sort of gateway to the surface." Matt's eyebrows rose, but than he remembered that the machine could read his thoughts.

The machine continued. "You will be able to get down using the Trans-Dimentionalizer. Scanning for surfaces to apply portals that are near the pillar of light." Matt's field of view zoomed in until he could see a smaller floating island near the pillar. "I recommend getting down that way. There may be more floating islands. Perhaps you can use the Trans-Dimentionalizer to travel between island to island."

Matt grinned, glad that a solution had finally been reached. "I'll do that. Thanks for the analysis!"

"That _is_ the reason that I exist."

Matt shrugged. "Good point. Let's get going!"

With that, Matt ran off. Behind him he left a _very _confused little girl who wondered exactly who the strange boy had been talking to.

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Matt reached the edge of the island. Not wanting to have to answer any questions, he avoided the town square area and cut through an area of houses. They were built into the ground, and for some reason Matt thought of tiny humanoids living in little holes in the ground. *

He stood at the edge of a wooden platform overlooking the clouds below. If Matt didn't have a mission, he would have stopped to admire the view.

"Alright." Matt said to the analysis machine. "Run portal placement optimization program."

"Running. Now displaying best locations for island hopping." The HUD now showed the best places to put the portals.

"Put portals in all locations." Matt ordered.

"You got it, boss."

"Don't call me that."

"Yes, sir."

"I hate you sometimes."

"Portal placement finished. You going to show off now?"

Matt didn't respond. Instead, he did a running jump into the portal right in front of him. He was ejected on an island quite a ways away. Not wanting to loose momentum (or just to show off.) he did a back flip into the next portal on an island only a few feet away from him. He came out of that portal and saw that the portal was on the side of one of the islands. As such, he did a mid air corkscrew right into the portal.

Matt shot out of a portal at the top of one of the islands. The next portal was the last.

"Sorry. I couldn't place them all. Too many." The analysis machine apologized. For some reason, it almost sounded mischievous. Matt ignored it and concentrated on the task on hand.

Matt did a triple somersault into the next portal. He was shot out on the side of the island. The island he was facing had a metal fence like thing. Matt shot a portal at the fence, then passed under a shadow of an island above them. He shot a portal at the side of the island. He swung on the bars right into the portal in the fence.

He spun out of the portal he had just created and saw that he was about to land on the top of the island that had the fence like thing. He broke his fall by rolling and landed successfully on the island. Matt turned, and saw Skyloft was far behind him. He was just in front of the green pillar of light. Matt laughed triumphantly at his success.

"What a show off." The analysis machine mumbled. Matt pretended not to hear.

"Ready to go?' Matt asked, ready to jump into the pillar of green light.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't. Let's go!"

Matt jumped off the island, accompanied by a robotic scream from the analysis machine. Matt laughed at the sensation (and the scream.) as he tumbled through the open sky into the unknown land below.

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(Day 1. 8yru13. Faron Woods.)

Ghirahim stood on a ledge on the Great Tree. The scene he watched with great interest was another boy tumbling through the sky. He crossed his arms, sighed, frowned.

"_Another _one has come?" He said with plain disinterest, yet disbelief. "Oh well. Let the sky child get more allies." He grinned sadistically. "More playthings for me and my master." He turned to the bokoblin general by his side. "I have quite a bit of pent up anger, you know." The general cowered in fear and began shaking.

Paying him no mind, the demon's face darkened. "All because of... him."

The general's instinct was to run and hide. The last time master had talked about the child, he had slaughtered hundreds of the general's men before he had finally calmed down.

"The sky child... you see..." Ghirahim began shaking. He lifted his arms skyward in rage and shouted. "HE RUINS EVERYTHING! HE _MUST _BE DESTROYED!" The sadistic demon summoned a knife and threw it at an unfortunate crow who happened to be passing by. The knife hit the crow straight in the chest. The crow dropped to the ground, thoroughly dead.

Ghirahim lowered his arms and saw the general cowering behind a branch. _Well, at least he knows his place. _Ghirahim thought to himself, smiling inwardly.

He turned to face the general, his eyes still murderous from his latest of many fits of rage. "I want you to make sure the boy dies. Send how many bokoblins you want, I don't care. Just see to it that he is destroyed."

The general nodded, and Ghirahim warped him to the temple, their base of operations in the woods. Then he let out a laugh laced with sadism and disappointment. "Those imbeciles couldn't kill a fly if I sent a thousand of them. I need to make sure business is taken care of. This," He gestured to the spot where the boy had landed. "might take care of some pent up anger. That can't be good for me. Or him..."

He grinned sadistically. Then he let out the soft chuckle of the insane. He then let out a full blown laugh loud enough to wake the many dead boloblins in the Ancient Cistern.

He summoned his favorite pain bringing tool, his black rapier. Without another word, he snapped his fingers dramatically and warped away in a flurry of his signature diamonds.

_(* _Lord of the Rings reference, in case you didn't get that. Referring to the hobbits.)

**That last part was rather... creepy for Clash. Oh well. He hopes he caught Ghirahim's sadistic nature well enough. That was easily the longest thing he has ever written. 8 ****1/2**** pages! He was never a one for long chapters. Sorry this took a while! See you next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3: Ghiracreep the Demonic Mop

**Hello again! Sorry this took a while. I didn't like the first couple versions of the chapter, so I re-wrote them. N****o**** handbook sections in this chapter, though. Although, I am thinking of making a story totally dedicated to the handbook sections. Let me know what you think about that. Thanks to Boba333 for reviewing, ****following,****and ****favoring****! (Reviews are raw motivation, by the way.) Anyways, onto the chapter! **

Finally, the analysis machine stopped screaming.

"Better think of something quick." It warned. "You are approaching the ground at approximately 250 ft/second, also known as terminal velocity. You better have some plan, or you are going to splat pretty hard."

_You think I just jumped down here without a plan to survive? _Matt thought, fully aware that the machine could read them.

"You've done dumber things."

_Shut up._

Matt abandoned the mental conversation and concentrated on the task at hand. He could see the ground fast approaching. The earth dipped into a sort of strange spiral shape, and Matt smiled. That could work to his advantage.

Matt aimed the portal producing glove with the help of the analysis machine and fired. A portal appeared below him. Matt then aimed it at another location along a stretch of track like things and fired another portal. Matt fell through the portal he had placed below himself and flew out the last portal he had placed.

While in the air, Matt cleared the first portal and shot another one at one of the walls of the spiral. He came back down and shot out the portal at the edge. He aimed a portal at the opposite wall and fired. He cleared the portal he had just come out of, and fired a portal below him.

He sailed through the portal on the wall and came down with little enough momentum to break his fall with a roll. He looked up at the sky, prepared to gloat at it, (Yes, gloat at the sky. Don't judge.) when he noticed something strange.

"Um... Where are all of the clouds?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look." Matt pointed at the sky. "We just passed through a blanket of clouds. Shouldn't we be seeing them down here?"

"Yea... Furthermore, why can we see the _sun_?"

"Oh well. It doesn't really matter, anyways. I don't see how that could be connected to a power source."

"Haha. You have to walk all the way up there."

Matt held up his hand with the Trans-Dimentionalizer. "What are you talking about?" He fired a portal in front of him, then at at a white marble building. He jumped through the first and landed on the ground in front of the white building. "You were saying?"

"What a cheater."

"Why walk when you can be lazy? Hey, that wouldn't make a bad slogan at home."

"Um, Matt?"

"Yea."

"There's someone else here."

Matt looked around and jumped. Matt's first reaction was to say, "There's something on your head."

It honestly looked like it. The person had a tower or raid hair on the front of his head. It was distracting, really. Well, at least it gave Matt something else to look at other than this guy's strange clothes and eyes that looked like puke.

The guy just stared at him, his mouth hanging wide open. Then he dropped the wrench he was holding and ran into the building.

"Well that was rude." Matt remarked. He looked at the temple. It was semi-impressive, but it looked kind of unfinished. Matt was not impressed.

"Well, where to next? Do you see any power sources?"

"None within my range. Perhaps if we ventured further I would be able to detect some."

"Well, time to go exploring, then."

And so the very out of place duo walked exactly 10.34 meters into a clearing. Little did they know (Well, the analysis machine knew. He just thought Matt's reaction would be hilarious.) they were being watched by the least fabulous demon ever to exist.

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"Oh, well this is nice."

Matt walked into a clearing full of blue butterflies and trees. "I get the feeling that absolutely nothing can go wrong here." He glanced around expectantly. "Ever." Still no response. "Not in a million..." Suddenly, a very high pitched scream was heard as red things with pieces of metal in their hands. "There they are." He looked at the things straight in the eye. "What took you so long? I usually never get to the million years point before _something_ tries to kill me."

The red guys looked confused for a moment, giving Matt the chance he needed. He jumped on one of their heads, grabbed it, and did a backflip while smashing the monster into the ground. He then picked it up by the legs and spun it around until he got to a high enough speed. He then launched the monster at the advancing group, causing a hilarious chain reaction of all of the monsters falling on their swords. They all disappeared into a puff of purple smoke, leaving their swords behind.

Matt walked up to the pile of metal. "Swords." He said, twirling one in his fingers. "How quaint." He then threw it at a vine hanging from a nearby tree, causing it to fall to the ground. Matt walked over to pick the vine and sword up, then stored them in the info-space. "We have those in museums."

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha." A menacing laugh echoed across the clearing.

Matt swiftly picked up one of the swords and held it out in front of him. "Do a scan for life forms." He whispered out of the corner of his mouth. In a louder voice, he yelled in a haughty tone. "Am I really that funny? Maybe I should run a comedy club. If your answer is yes, come out and show yourself. If the answer is no, show yourself. If your answer is none of the aforementioned, show yourself."

What stepped out of the trees made Matt want to puke.

"IT BURNS!" Both him and the analysis machine shouted at the same time. The analysis machine's visual sensors were overloaded with too many readings of ugliness. The white haired _thing_ had a latex suit with diamond cutouts.

"I regret asking you to show yourself now. Just go back into the trees and save us from being forced to look at your atrocious manner of dress any longer." Matt said, covering his eyes.

The thing didn't seem to like that. (You don't say?) His hands shook in rage and he spoke in a low, rage filled tone. "Do you know who I am?"

Matt leaned against a tree, crossed his arms in front of his chest, and smirked. "The physical embodiment of ugliness?"

The thing's whole body shook. He snapped his fingers, and a pure black sword appeared in his hands. Diamond creep, Mat's new nickname for the thing, held his sword in front of him and snarled.

"I am Demon Lord Ghirahim, ruler of the surface and the instrument of your painful end!"

Matt continued smirking, unnerved. "Looks like Big Ugly's demon cousin has a vocabulary. What are you going to do to me? Confuse me?"

Diamond creep (Ghirahim) held his sword level with Matt's chest. "I will tear every bone from your body and set them on fire! You will die in the most painful way possible!"

"You mean exposure to you?"

While Matt was brutally insulting diamond creep, the analysis machine placed a portal behind him for Matt to make an exit with. He placed the other on top of a ridiculously tall tree. "Exit is ready. Are you?" The analysis machine spoke into Matt's mind.

_Perfect._ Matt spoke to the analysis machine telepathically.

Outwardly, he looked up at the position of the sun, and then looked back at diamond creep.

"Well, I've got some important business to take care of, but we can finish this game when we get back!" Matt waved and did a back flip into the portal. "Bye!"

Matt jumped out of the portal on top of an absurdly large tree. He was laughing to hard to appreciate the scenery though.

"Did you see his face?" Matt asked in between laughter. "He looked so angry! If only I could see his reaction."

"You will."

Matt whirled around and saw diamond clown standing there, looking as murderous as ever.

Matt let out an exasperated sigh. "You gave the sociopath teleportation. Why would you give a sociopath teleportation?"

"I am NOT a sociopath!" A moment later, he added. "I will kill you in ways so horrible you can not even _begin_ to imagine them!"

"Yea, those sentences don't really go well together." Matt scowled. "I wasn't lying when I said I had important business to take care of, you know. Saving as planet isn't exactly a walk in the park. Go play your little kill games with the local trees, why don't you?"

"You end now."

Matt smiled maniacally. "I guess I'll beat you into the ground, since you seem to be begging for it. Let's go, creep-o."

Diamond creep raised his black sword. "With pleasure. I will enjoy you withering on the ground in pain."

Matt was done messing around with this fool. "Analysis machine, give me a complete surroundings analysis."

"Yes." The analysis machine sensed how angry Matt was, so it cut the sarcastic comments.

"You are on top of a tree about 75 feet into the air. It is possible to knock your opponent off and cause some damage that way. Also, you have a sword from the enemies you previously encountered. Your arsenal includes your super sneakers, Info-Space opener, and theTrans-Dimentionalizer."

"No gravity bombs?"

"For the good of this planet, no."

"Darn. I love using those things."

"You would destroy everything."

"Good point. Start writing information if this guy."

"Affirmative."

Now that that was done with, Matt concentrated on the task at hand. The creep

was slowly advancing towards him with that black sword. Matt had an idea. He prepared to open the Info-Space and shouted. "Come and get me, diamond freak! Can't you walk any faster?"

That did the trick. Diamond creep ran at him full speed and swung. Matt opened the info-space, and the sword was absorbed right in.

Diamond creep seemed very surprised that he was no longer in position of his sword. He was ever more surprised when Matt punched him directly in the face and sent him flying off the tree.

"That had to hurt." The analysis machine remarked.

"Yea, but it'll just teleport right back up. Can you trace his teleportation?"

"Of course. I've already identified his energy signature and am in the process of analyzing it."

"Great! You must have had a smart creator. Oh yea, I created you."

"Stop worshiping yourself and pay attention. It's warping up now."

Sure enough, the analysis machine was able to pinpoint the creep's exact location. Right now, it was hovering a few feet in front of Matt. Matt pulled the sword out of the info-space and struck the creep with it as he was appearing.

"Agh!' It shouted as it immediately teleported a few feet away. Matt rushed up to it when it raised his hand and knives suddenly appeared!

"Woah!" Matt shouted as he gracefully dodged the knife by jumping to the right. "How did he do that? Does he have an info-space too?"

"I don't think so. The knives looked like the diamonds he surrounds himself with when teleporting. It is possible that he manifested his energy into a physical form which he used to attack you."

"Shouldn't that make him pretty tired?"

"It doesn't look like it. Watch out, he's summoning two more."

This time, Matt was ready. When the knives flew at him. He opened the Info-Space in front of him, acting like a shield. He then shot the knives back at diamond creep, which struck him and...

"Bounced off?! They just BOUNCE OFF?!"

"Well, it is the physical manifestation of his own energy. He could have made it so that it doesn't affect him."

"That would explain why his sword didn't kill him, but my fist affected him. We'll have to use the terrain to our advantage." Matt jumped over three knives.

"It would be advisable to smash him into the ground."

"Yea, but that will only work once." Matt said as he dodged another wave of knives. This time, diamond creep used five. Matt smiled to himself, an idea coming to him.

Diamond creep, finally realizing that his strategy wasn't working, warped his sword in with an over dramatic snap of his fingers. Matt placed a portal behind diamond creep. Matt's back was to the edge of the tree. _That will change. _He thought.

Matt quickly turned around, placed a portal on the ground below, and jumped. Wind whistling in his ears, he flew straight into it. He came out the other side and blasted the very confused diamond creep off the edge with a swift kick to the head, effectively stunning him.

As they were falling, he repetitively punched him in the face to keep him from teleporting. The creep saw how high up they were and was momentarily paralyzed, letting out a very un-fabulous sounding shriek. As they neared the ground, he launched off of the creep and back flipped onto the ground.

"Thanks for breaking my fall, diamond clown!" He shouted as he saw the demon make a large indentation on the ground.

"I think that ground likes you, diamond creep." Matt said as he dusted himself off. "You made a very nice_ impression_ on it!"

"That was terrible." The analysis machine chimed in. "He's going to get up soon. What are you going to do now?"

Matt smiled. "I say that creep needs to meet his family _tree._"

After reading Matt's thoughts, the analysis machine smiled. "I like it. How many tree-related puns are you going to make?"

Matt grinned and rubbed his hands together as diamond creep slowly got up. "Many."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Matt climbed a tree and waited for the diamond creep to get up. "Come on already!" Matt shouted impatiently. "I don't have all day!"

"Where are you! I will feast on your soul! You will forever be a servant to my master!"

"There are MORE of you?"

"Yes! And we will all take turns torturing you!"

"That would be one _ugly_ family reunion. Count me out."

As he was trash talking the demon lord, Matt was using the portals to build the momentum of a tree. He had it set up in an infinite loop so that the tree was always falling. After he was satisfied with the amount of momentum, he stored it in info space. Everything that came into the info space came out with the same momentum it came in with. Matt was going to use this handy little feature to his advantage.

"Hey Lord Ugly!" Matt said as he stepped out from behind a tree. The creep had his swords in hand and...

"Your NOSE!" Matt gasped out as he laughed hysterically. "It's crooked!"

When diamond creep was checking his nose, (which was indeed crooked.) Matt placed a portal right under and above the creep. As the demon fell indefinitely, Matt removed the portal above him, causing the creep to catapult into the air. Using the portals, Matt gave chase.

"Hey diamond creep! I found your family tree!" Matt shouted as he passed the demon in the air, he opened the info-space below Demon Lord Ugliness and hit the disoriented demon straight up into the air. "And it's all ugly!"

The demon sailed into the air. As it hit the peak of it's height, Matt placed a portal on it. He warped right next to it and opened the info-space, causing the tree to once again hit the demon and shoot it off to the right. "Looks like you've been..." Matt hit him again "Bush-wacked!"

"That's a tree."

"Shut up."

Matt warped over to diamond creep, spun, and hit him in the chest.

"Cleanup on isle..." Matt said as he once again warped to the demon's side and hit him with the tree again. The demon flew limply off to the right and hit the tree with a satisfying thwack. He then fell into a pool of water, where he was eaten by some golden plant. "Ghiracreep"

"Warning." The analysis machine interrupted. "I detect a much higher concentration of water behind you."

"What's that supposed to mean..." Matt asked as he turned around. His mouth shot open as he started falling back to the tree line.

"GIANT WAVE!"

The wave barreling down at him, Matt shot portals at the trees and picked up speed. He was heading to a white door that had that strange indentation in thew ground earlier. As the wave came closer, Matt shouted. "You're cleaning up the wrong isle! This is not isle ghiracreep!"

Apparently, the wave heard him. As he passed through the marble door way, the wave just stopped. It looked like it was being held up by something.

Matt wiped his forehead. "Well, that's one way to clear all of the portals." Matt remarked, staring at the wall of water. "I really should fix the thing where portals get cleared by water. That could get annoying sometime in the future."

"Matt."

"Yea?"

"There's someone behind you."

Matt turned around to see a very short woman with an absurdly long braid and at that took up her entire body. "Who on the surface are you?" She asked, sounding very shocked.

"Matt. Nice to meet you." Matt extended his hand. When she didn't shake it, he stuffed it in his pocket. Suddenly, the ground started shaking. "Um..." Matt started, looking around him. "Does this have anything to do with the giant wave?"

"It is awakening." She mumbled, and started shuffling to the temple. "Come on, Link! Hurry up!"

Matt, quite miffed at being ignored, followed her into the building.

** And that is where it ends! Wow, that was 10 pages! I didn't expect that. So, in case you hadn't guessed, the Imprisoned battle is next chapter! Also, Matt is properly introduced to everyone on the surface. Except for Zelda, of course. I apologize for any typos. Also, I'm sure you can guess what that wave was. Looks like Matt came a little bit late. Review if it isn't too much trouble. Oh, and if asking for reviews bothers you, tell me. See you next chapter! **


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